Season 8 of “Married at First Sight” has been the most difficult one for me to watch. Seeing Luke and Kate’s disfunctional relationship was heartwrenching and triggered some memories of betrayal from long ago.
As a form of trauma, relationship betrayal is one of the hardest things to heal from. The way you viewed the world has now changed. What you previously thought was safe, the things you could count and rely on, what works and what doesn’t work have been shattered. Your mind is in a state of chaos and you don’t have the internal or external tools to deal with those changes.
Kate believed Luke went into the Married at First Sight social experiment with the best of intentions. She trusted he would care for, protect and nurture their relationship. The reality is that Luke was distant, used cruel words and harmed Kate’s spirit. From the first days of their honeymoon, she felt alone, unwanted and betrayed. The secrets Luke asked her to keep further isolated her.
Once the bottom is pulled out from under you, the stress response is ignited and you go into survival mode. I believe Kate used alcohol to cope with the situation and numb the pain.
How do we heal from this pain? You begin by finding support. It’s important to find a therapist who is trained in helping people heal from relationship betrayal. You learn to love yourself. You ask, who am I and who do I want to be? You work on becoming a whole and complete person again. You start to listen to your gut instead of your mind. Little by little, brick by brick, you begin to build trust…trust in the world, trust in yourself and eventually, trust in others. Your old world view is replaced with a new world view.
After watching the reunion show, I believe Kate is well on her way to healing from the trauma of betrayal. She has clearly found her voice. She stood up to Luke. She defended her new world view. She trusted enough to enter into a new relationship. Most importantly, her spark and smile is back.
Even though relationship betrayal can be one of the most difficult things to go through, you can come out on the other side a stronger, more confident and vibrant person. I believe Kate has.