This week’s episode of FYI’s Married at First Sight was a shocker. Although they have always had the choice to walk out on their marriage, this is the first time a couple has ended it before the six week social experiment was over.
Last week’s episode blog was about how feelings and personal identity are affected when having difficult conversations. This week we’ll take it a step further and look at how the couples are communicating through conflict.
When we are not secure in our identity, an all or nothing attitude can develop. This happens because in an unstable situation we go into self-preservation mode. We see things in black and white; judging people as good or bad, right or wrong, worthy or unworthy of our love.
In an effort to secure our own identity, information is denied that is not in line with our way of thinking. If we see ourselves as a “good” person that does not make mistakes, we look to blame others to block out the pain we cause them.
Acknowledging mistakes and seeking help is critical to resolving conflict in a committed relationship. If that can’t be done, walls will remain up and building a connection becomes impossible.
Derek and Heather
Derek and Heather clearly made mistakes in their two-week marriage. However, Derek was willing to work on personal growth in their marriage while Heather was not. It’s hard not to place judgment based on what we see, but each of us responds to a set of circumstances based on our previous experiences. I honor them for the risk they took, wish them the best and hope they learn from this radical social experiment.
Nick and Sonia
In a delicate conversation, we can get knocked off balance and stumble or stammer through our words, instead of articulating our thoughts. Things can then be said or interpreted incorrectly. When we hear things that hurt us, adrenals can kick in and trigger our fight or flight mode.
Taking a break to regroup can help put things into perspective. Examining why we react the way we do is an important step to moving forward. Being honest about our triggers can help us to avoid reacting to them in the future.
Admitting our part in a miscommunication, can start a meaningful learning conversation. Opening up will develop an emotional connection and start the process of building trust.
Nick and Sonia are looking internally at how they can improve communication. It’s clear they want emotional intimacy to develop before starting a physical relationship. However, that’s happening at different rates for them. Will the tantric massage experience bring them closer to physical intimacy?
Tom and Lilly
Conflict can leave us feeling anxious and uneasy. Not only do we have to face another person, we also have to face ourselves. The ability to communicate effectively can go by the wayside when we feel fearful or unsure.
It is inevitable to get off kilter on occasion in a meaningful relationship. The key is in being able to get back on track in order to move the conversation forward. It’s when we express ourselves that we give the relationship a chance to become stronger.
There isn’t a more critical time to tell our spouse we are committed to the marriage than in the midst of conflict. Showing we are there in good times and bad, builds a solid foundation of trust.
Lilly had a personal challenge when finding out she needed surgery. Tom proved his devotion to her by saying he would stand with her no matter what they have to face. Calm reassurance that he was in it for the long haul, was exactly what she needed to hear. Will they continue to build trust and bring their walls down?
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