In my interview with “Married at First Sight” relationship expert Rachel DeAlto, she shared the importance of patience and respect when building a relationship in this radical social experiment.
Relationships involve two people with very different thoughts, ideas and values. It can be challenging to merge those strengths and weaknesses into one cohesive unit. We saw the couples face those challenges this week. Here are my thoughts as I watched them maneuver through rough waters…literally.
Derek and Heather
It is common to avoid conflict or confrontation because it causes discomfort. But in order to find solutions, you must push through the pain. In a relationship, that requires two willing participants.
When someone doesn’t meet your expectations, it’s easy to become disillusioned and fall into a place of looking for faults. Negativity breeds negativity. Walls are erected to protect a hurting heart, resulting in a total shut down. Once you are closed-off it is impossible to seek an agreeable outcome.
Feeling respected and loved is innate in all of us looking to having a successful relationship. If you don’t have either of those, it’s nearly impossible to move forward.
Both Derek and Heather are clearly suffering intense pain as their hopes of a Cinderella story come crashing down around them. The experts can give them the tools to turn this marriage around, but are they willing and able to forgive and forget?
Nick and Sonia
Learning about one another, how we communicate and show love, requires an endless amount of patience. For couples who are married at first sight, it’s a bit of a juggling act.
When you have different love languages, assumptions can be made based on your own personal lens. It can feel like needs aren’t being met, based on an alternate way of showing care.
It’s imperative to speak your truth when confusion arises. To do this, a “safe” place must be constructed. That’s where respect comes in. Communicating feelings in a calm, gentle way, diffuses the spark that could lead to anger. Compatibility comes when you can understand and respond to each other’s needs respectfully.
Nick and Sonia are still in the beginning stages of building a foundation of trust. They have shown exemplary communication skills thus far, but hearts will become more invested and feelings will intensify. As real life begins, can the experts help guide them to a place where love can grow?
Tom and Lilly
Instant chemistry and an emotional connection can take you on the ride of your life. But eventually, the ride comes to a halt and the dust settles. A shared set of values is what is needed to build a life together. Love grows through the values of patience and respect.
Patience is not a sprint, rather a marathon. It tests our endurance and ability to forgive one another’s shortcomings. It takes respect to make it for the long haul.
Respect means honoring another opinion, even when you don’t agree with it. It’s seeing the beauty in difference and finding a way to blend that difference, so both individuals feel supported and encouraged.
Tom is so much more than his bus and Lilly is so much more than her car. They have worked hard to connect on both a physical and emotional level. If the bus becomes an issue, can the two of them find a win-win solution they can “live” with?