Last week on the FYI series “Married at First Sight“, we watched the awkward cuteness of the couples as they got their first glance at each other and said their “I do’s”.
This week we saw what it was like for them to spend their wedding night with someone they’ve only known for a couple of hours. Here’s my lens on how each of them began to build their relationship.
It’s imperative that these married strangers set a solid foundation. Emotions connect people. Love is an emotion that grows through connecting.
Nick and Sonia
Nick and Sonia are like the slow burn. When she said that establishing an emotional connection was more important than having sex, I stood up to cheer.
Sonia told us she is a very emotional person. We saw her respond with laughter at Nick’s jokes. We also saw her respond with tears when she was asked to be vulnerable. Some would be quick to judge and see that as a sign of weakness, but I invite you to consider another perspective.
Most of us have been an emotional stuffer at one time or another. So think for a moment about what happens when you continually shut down instead of dealing. Things bubble underneath and continually resurface, then often come out in a way that is undesirable. The truth is, emotions are not released until you deal with them.
Being open with your emotions means you are able to accept and embrace how you feel. Your time is then spent examining, learning and healing from the triggers. Sonia is open with her emotions, knows her insecurities and understands the need to move beyond them.
Even though he is somewhat of an introvert, I do see Nick as an emotional person. He’s been able to express his thoughts and feelings to the camera with ease, despite the fact that he’s pretty guarded with Sonia. If Nick allows himself to open up to her, I can see an amazing relationship developing.
Tom and Lilly
The physical chemistry between Tom and Lilly is undeniable. The spark was lit the moment they laid eyes on each other. But for long-term success, they need to develop emotional intimacy, as well.
I was so on board with Rachel when she told them, “Getting to know each other’s stories can really help you fall in love”. It is absolutely the truth. It’s through the sharing of stories that we build relationships.
Tom and Lilly are off to a great start with this. The first night they had a difficult conversation about their shared connection with the absence of a father figure. We also saw Tom talk about his insecurity of committing to someone that may walk away.
The true reality check will come when Tom finally opens up about living in a bus. While I personally love the idea, it is clearly not for everyone. I see so much potential for this couple. If this indeed becomes an issue, I hope they can come to a mutual compromise.
Derek and Heather
The key for Derek and Heather to build an emotional connection is acceptance. So what does that mean? For starters, they need to understand and accept the difference in the way they express themselves. Derek is very open and honest with his feelings. Heather is more reserved and indirect.
Derek says exactly what he is thinking and feeling in a very kind and respectful way. Heather is clearly not used to this. Because it takes her longer to warm up, she is showing signs of being a little overwhelmed.
Heather tends to ask Derek questions, “Are you comfortable driving,” “Do you gamble,” and “What is considered occasional,” to try and clarify things in her mind. Derek appears to be confused about what exactly she is looking for.
Rachel assigned a set of questions and exercises to help them grow together on their honeymoon, but they need to also have reasonable expectations. To make it for the long haul, they have to be willing to work together, rather than build barriers that work against each other.