Being a strong, independent woman can present challenges when looking for a partner. This week the women of #BlackLove talk about those challenges.
One of the issues the girls discuss is that as strong, independent women, they have trust issues and difficulty letting go of control.
Jack Daniels dishes out some tough love with Monet in one of the most compelling relationship conversations I’ve heard.
Monet admits that she tries to make it work with men that aren’t a good fit. She gives her heart to men when they aren’t worthy of it.
Jack tells Monet, “Men are instinctive. For us, the instinct is to smell things that basically help us survive”. He goes on to tell her there is an element of her that has the word “desperate” written across her forehead and men sense it.
The desperation comes from that ever ticking biological clock…the race to get married and have babies before it’s too late. Millions of women are having deeply profound “aha” moments as they look in the mirror and see the “D” word on their foreheads, as well.
Monet’s assignment is to accept and love herself enough to focus on dating men that she feels a connection with and not to compromise under pressure.
Jae meets Nneka for lunch and they connect on so many levels. They discuss their shared love for travel, adventure, denim and passionfruit, but they have one major disconnect. Nneka is looking for one monogamous relationship and Jae wants the freedom to flow freely in and out with no expectations. Suddenly things get awkward.
Cynthia is trying her best to get back out in the dating world, but things have changed. She becomes disillusioned with online dating when a guy asks to see a picture of her body. Tennesha reassures her that while that can be a common theme with online dating, there are good men out there.
Damona takes the girls to a bar for a lesson on how to loosen up, flirt with and talk to men. The goal is to be approachable and easy to talk to. While Monet and Jae are in their element, our girl Cynthia doesn’t appear to be there yet.
She shares with me, “The one thing I learned about myself is that when I don’t trust, I resist. I can fully submit to someone I trust.” But trust takes time and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Tennesha likes all of the pieces of her life to be one. She tells me, “I didn’t expect to form such close frienships with the other women on the show. La and I were friends before the show, but I didn’t know the other girls.”
Tennesha has talked about the workshop and the girls to her boo Errol and now it’s time for them to meet at a housewarming party.
While she’s done a pretty good job of holding back her controlling nature, we see the perfectionism come out in her with the tomato chopping incident.
We all know the girls won’t fully invest in those tomatoes unless they measure up. Pun intended.
Errol is pretty much the perfect man. He handles Tennesha with patience and humor and calmly tells her he doesn’t need directions on cutting tomatoes.
Tennesha apologizes for being uptight and proves that there is hope for all us perfectionists out there.
La is team Errol all day, every day and she apologizes for the free flowing conversation. She is definitely more reserved then the other girls, but La still knows how to have a good time…as long as it doesn’t involve a treadmill. We wish Karl had been with her because we love us some Karl.
The party was a success and the bond grows deeper with the women. Tennesha shares, “When we were all introduced, I was thinking, ‘wow, we are all so different.’ Then I realized the differences didn’t matter, because we had all been hurt and we all want the same thing now…LOVE.”