Married at First Sight – Journey From the Lens of a Viewer S:3 E:5
January 4, 2016
This week on Married at First Sight, the honeymoons are over and reality sets in. All the couples continue to go through a “plethora” of emotions (thanks Sam) and I’ve highlighted a few. Here are my thoughts on how it would feel to walk in their shoes…
Reality Sets In
While you’ve had ups and downs in your relationship, overall you have made progress. Now that the honeymoon is over, you are anxious to get home and get back into a routine. This is when reality sets in and your life as a married couple begins.
You are trying every possible way to draw your stranger spouse out. You are frustrated they are so closed off to talking about their feelings. What you don’t realize is, the harder you push, the more they retreat.
You go home alone to regroup and recharge. A night off is just what you need. Spending time alone or connecting with friends gives you a new perspective.
Feelings of insecurity hunker down in your mind and you struggle to kick them to the curb. You realize it’s impossible to dismiss them when you marry a stranger.
Security, like trust, takes time to develop. It comes from the feeling you are being treated fairly and walking on stable ground. However, each person has their own definition of what “fair” is.
It’s hard not to second guess your every move or quiet the voice inside your head that says you aren’t good enough. You overthink things and jump to conclusions.
Along with insecurity comes tension. When you are tense, you say or do things that may be harmful, without intending to.
Although it’s difficult, you try to focus on the positive. You try not to compare this to any other experience, and above all, you try to set reasonable expectations.
Compromise is not giving up who you are or what is important to you, rather it’s the blending of two hearts and minds together as one.
You don’t want to change completely, but you know you need to work together for the good of the marriage.
Whether it’s finances, where you will live, or what bathroom you use, it’s important to practice selflessness in order to come up with a win-win situation where you both feel validated.
You find a temporary home for the 5 weeks that remain in this social experiment. While you pack and move in, it suddenly hits you.
You are completely exhausted emotionally and physically. Everything you do takes incredible effort and you are drained. Your fairytale comes crashing down around you and you begin to question everything.
In order to have physical intimacy, you need to allow emotional intimacy. This is not easy for you.
To allow emotional intimacy, you need to engage in deep conversation. Through the sharing of stories, you develop a connection. The ultimate goal of emotional intimacy is to feel your partner’s joy and pain like it is your own.
You keep your walls up or you let them down. You are protected or you are vulnerable. You are guarded or you are open. It’s a choice you must make. The success of your marriage depends upon it.
You believe in acts of romance, no matter how big or small.
Romance strengthens the bond you are trying to build and is the cornerstone of a deep, fulfilling relationship.
You plan a romantic picnic dinner on the living room floor to let your partner know you are thinking of them. You are rewarded for your effort by being carried away in arms of love.
You are being judged and criticized for your every thought and action, whether good or bad. That’s the reality of what you signed up for.
The microscope you are under is not always clear. It magnifies and minimizes certain aspects of your personality intermittently.
The lens that others look through can be distorted by their personal experience. Their reality does not make it your reality.
You own your actions and words and continue to respond with honesty and integrity. Little by little, the picture becomes more focused and people begin to clearly see that you have grown. This experience has changed your life and for that, you are thankful.