In Part 2 of my interview with Monet Bell from FYI’s ‘Married at First Sight’, we focused on her relationship with the experts, their advice and the positive lessons she learned throughout this social experiment.
Monet and the other matches were not the only ones to gain insight. Viewers from across the nation benefited from the relationship advice the experts dished out on ‘Married at First Sight’…which I believe is one reason for the show’s overwhelming success. On with the interview!
What is your relationship with each of the experts?
Dr. Joseph Cilona and I have a great relationship. He is someone I really respect. Next week I’m posting him as my MCM.(Laughs)
Dr. Pepper Schwartz is one of the sweetest and most loving people you can meet. She is a sassy lady. We mostly communicate on social media, but I know that if I ever needed to, I could pick up the phone and call her.
Dr. Logan Levkoff and I both have an addiction to shoes. (Laughs) So she and I get along great and stay in contact with each other.
Greg Epstein is a cool guy and I could easily end up in a long conversation with him. He and I mostly communicate on social media.
How much time did you get to spend with them?
During filming I probably spent the most amount of time with Dr. Pepper and Dr. Cilona. However, I met with all the experts.
Can you share one piece of advice each of them gave you that you’ll apply to your future relationships?
Dr. Cilona: Try to understand as completely as possible what you are asking for.
Dr. Pepper: Remove the problem from being placed on each other and make the problem its own entity that you and your spouse will partner to resolve.
Dr. Logan: Learn how to speak and communicate with each other in a positive tone.
Greg: Be kind to each other.
In my interview with Dr. Cilona, he said although it may not be possible to fully trust someone in 5 weeks, it is possible to develop a comfort level and foundation from which to build upon.
What was it that stopped you from fully trusting Vaughn or this process, to make a go of it outside of the show?
I agree, I don’t think you can fully trust someone in 5 weeks. Vaughn was hurt by some of the things I said to him. Present day, I can understand why he felt that way.
Due to both Vaughn and me being hurt, I didn’t feel comfortable trusting him with my emotions, because I don’t think he was in a place to take care of them, or even capable of caring about them. How does the saying go, ‘hurt people, hurt people’. What’s interesting is that during those times, he knew I was trying to communicate with him in the most sensitive way I knew how. Notice I’m saying, ‘the way I knew how’. I’m pointing this out, because although my intentions are to be sensitive, the content was still harsh. So the point is then lost, if I don’t convey it in a manner he can receive.
Until a couple learns how to communicate properly with each other, a lot of the exercises are counterproductive. It’s a process to get to know anyone and learn to communicate properly with them. Sometimes this process is faster or slower for people. Vaughn and I needed more time to get to know each other and time is the one thing in this experiment that we did not have.
Can you share the most difficult thing you faced between Decision Day in April and the air date in September?
It had to be the reunion. Vaughn and I hadn’t spoken or seen each other since he moved out. He and I had no closure and we were both still very angry with one another. What viewers saw on the reunion show, were two hurt individuals that were still angry, so of course, there are going to fireworks between us.
When we finished filming and got all the bad stuff out of the way, we were able to sit down and really talk and apologize to each other. That was the first time I think we really heard each other.
Present day, we are in such a positive different space. Vaughn is a good man. I don’t want anyone to ever think that I don’t know that. He is just not the man for me, nor am I the woman for him. I think we will be great friends in the future, but we are in two different places in life right now.
What was it like for you knowing the other two relationships were successful?
Being that I have a relationship with the other wives, I was really happy for them. Of course, I wished my relationship had worked out, but that never took away from how proud I was of their success.
What is one thing you would do differently if you could do a rewind?
I would have worked harder to be Vaughn’s friend in the beginning.
Do you still believe in the concept of Married at First Sight?
Yes, I believe in ‘Married at First Sight’. I do not believe in love at first sight. The whole experiment of ‘Married at First Sight’ sparks dialogue between men and women about marriage. I think that is great.
What advice would you give the current applicants for Married at First Sight?
They need to have a come to Jesus (or who/whatever works for them) moment alone with themselves and truly ask what it is they NEED to be happy. I would encourage them to write it down and read it back to themselves multiple times. Then they need to make another list of what type of husband or wife they want to be to their spouse. This is very important to know who you see yourself as being to someone else.
What advice would you give the couples that get matched for future seasons?
They will have to truly believe in and COMMIT to the process and most importantly, to the marriage. If they don’t do that, and they think, “Oh, I can just get a divorce,” they will have failed before they have begun. This is real and this WILL impact who you are as a person. A person will not enter this experiment and come out the same person as they went in.
Is there anything else you would like to share that I haven’t asked you?
I just wanted to fall in love and have my own family. I still want to
get married again and just be happy. Whatever the outcome was going to be, I wanted people to know I wanted my marriage to work.
Also, I want the viewers to know how important it was for this show to be a platform for positivity. I would have never signed up for something that wasn’t going to represent me in a positive light. I knew this show had the potential to be bigger than just the cast. I wanted to be a representation of positivity for women. However, people still have to remember that this is a TV program and I do have some social responsibility. I never took any of this lightly.